I’m at a very difficult stage in my life right now. Literally don’t know where to go or what to do next. I’m at home, not able to leave the house and talk to people. I’m afraid of the question: „How are you?“, because the only truthful answer would be „Not good at all.“
But isn’t my situation something I’ve always been praying for? When I still went to school, I prayed for getting accepted into College. Guess what, God answered my prayer and I got accepted. But a few months into studying, I realized that going to College isn’t something I want to do for the next three years of my life. I was so tired of studying, so tired of learning stuff I don’t care about. Whenever I sat in class, I’d think of all the places I’d travel to, if only I had the time to do so. I realized that even though I got what I wanted, it didn’t change my attitude towards life. Going to College didn’t make me any happier.
Then life changed and I dropped out of College. I thought I had a plan that would make up for quitting. I thought that now I’d have time to do all the things I always wanted to do. But of course quitting didn’t make me a happier person either, there are other things I have to deal with now.
Why is it so hard to see the good things in life? Why do we always want something we don’t have, yet? Why can we never be happy with what life is RIGHT NOW, AT THIS VERY MOMENT?
I realize that the only way to escape that bad state is to find things I am thankful for. To thank God for everything I need to face instead of asking Him to change the situation.
And I believe that everything that happens in our lives, even when it’s something that appears to be bad at first, God can change into something beautiful, outstanding.
Isaiah 61,3: Beauty for ashes.
It’s a choice I have to make for myself. My plans have changed – do I see the doors that have been closed with that change, or the doors God opened for me? Do I choose to be happy about the opportunities God is giving me, or will I grieve over the things I’ve lost?
When God closes a window, he opens a door. But it’s up to you to find it – Jeannette Walls
I choose to be happy, not only to change my situation, but also to give thanks to the Lord, for everything He has done for me. For all the doors He opens and closes. Because who am I to question His works? When I invited Him into my life six years ago, I told Him to take over my life. I asked Him to mold me into a woman after His own heart and now I am not happy with the methods He uses to accomplish that?
Now, my answer will no longer be „Not good at all“, when people ask me about how I am. Because how can I complain when I have someone so wonderful and loving as the ruler of my life and writer of my story? Anything other than „I am excellent“ will be a big insult towards God. He only wants what’s best for me and He will never lead me on a path that is not the very best for my life.