About broken hearts and shattered dreams

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This year was probably the hardest year of my life. I had to learn to give up so many things, people, dreams and plans. My life feels like a rollercoaster ride right now. I can be up high one day and have the worst day of my life the very next day. Through all these hard times, I learned to trust God and the power of prayer.

It’s weird, sometimes we take signs and interpret them as the will of God, but then things happen that are totally contradictory to our convictions and all of the sudden, we find ourselves wondering whether or not we’re living out God’s plan for our life.

How can we be sure that what we’re doing matches the will of God?

I recently read a book that talked about the topic and which I’d like to quote at this point:

Man is a creature with the power of choice. The leaders of Judah were faced with a decision whether or not to go to Egypt. God told them via Jeremiah not to go – that was His will. We might immediately ask, If God is really sovereign and He willed that Israel not go, how could they possibly go? The answer lies, perhaps to our surprise, in the truth of God’s sovereignty. God, being sovereign, has determined that man should have the power of choice. And because God is faithful to what He determines, He never makes a man’s decision for him. God has granted man that power. But along with the power of choice, God (in His sovereignty) has determined the results of man’s choices. Man is free to choose, but never free from the responsibility of what he chooses. The results of man’s decision are wholly under the sovereignty of God – so completely and perfect und God that when God deals with man in the present, He can fully know the future. (Love and Nonresistance: God’s plan for the church by John Coblentz)

We’re not called to live a „screenplay-life“. We can choose our job, our spouse, the place we live at. But in all the choices we can make there are still some that are pleasing to God, and some that aren’t. If we’re ready to listen to what God wants to tell us, we’ll be able to figure out his will. And we should never forget that each of our decisions brings responsibilities and consequences that we will have to deal with afterwards.

Proverbs 15, 22: Where there is no counsel, plans fail; but in a multitude of counselors they are established.

In my case, I learned to listen to my parents. I know that they are probably the only people on earth who want nothing but the very best for me.

It was hard to give up all the dreams I had for my life. For the first time of my life was I tempted to pray: „Lord, I don’t care about Your will, please give me mine“. But instead of giving in, I asked God to give me the strength to accept His will for my life. I asked Him to crash all the plans I’ve made for myself if they’re not matching His and to show me what He had in mind for me. I was too scared to face the consequences of my choices if they were not according to God’s will for my life.

Yes, I was broken and yes, it was the toughest time of my life. It was hard to admit, that my own will was so important to me. It was hard to let go all the plans and to open up to what God wanted to tell me.

They say peace follows a storm but truth is, life isn’t that easy. Life will go on – with or without you. No one is gonna stop and wait for you. It takes a lot of effort to fight back into life. It’s like after a war. You’re trying to find the pieces of yourself in the debris and ruins of your life to fix yourself and build something that will sustain. But maybe you don’t have to do it yourself, maybe God wants to make something completely new and wants you exactly the way you are right now. Broken and in great need of a helper.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2. Corinthians 12,9

Maybe my weakness is exactly what He needs to shape me into a vessel He’ll be able to use?

I learned that when I fully surrender my problems to Jesus and let Him take over my life, He will give a peace that is nowhere else to find.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understandings… it will be healing to your flesh. Proverbs 3, 5-6

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